Entry #2
here's the thing
Hey, again. I have no idea why I am even writing this down or sharing this with you guys (because, let's face it, there are more important things going on in the world) but I haven't had a diary in over 10 years, so I guess this blog is sort of like a diary for me? Albeit a public one.
Anyway. How's everyone's mental health? A year ago, who would've guessed that 2020 would be filled with so much tragedy and fear? To be honest, self-isolating hasn't been so bad because I've been with my boyfriend, and that brings us to the point of this post.
I have been dating the same guy for 3 years now and we recently moved in together (as recent as the start of this year). Everything was going pretty fine, I'd say, until a few days ago when *drum roll* (wait, let me actually go find a drum-roll gif. brb)
He stole from me. Yup. Dude stole my bank card, went to an ATM and made several withdrawals. But what Dude didn't know was that I get notifications on my phone every time a withdrawal is made.
So there I am home alone because my boyfriend is at a friend's place. It's 1:30AM and I'm doing an assignment for uni. My phone dings to tell me that I just went to an ATM and took out some cash. I wipe my eyes repeatedly because, hmm, it's 1:30AM and I'm on my laptop, very much at home and in my room, therefore I did NOT just make a withdrawal. Not to mention the fact that there's a curfew in effect. So I do the next logical thing and check my purse, because there MUST be a glitch in the system (lol dumbass) and what do I find? NOT my card, that's for sure.
OBVIOUSLY, the only culprit who would do this (since he's the only other person I live with) and who has my PIN is, you guessed it, my boyfriend.
And here is where I make a PSA. Don't trust ANYONE with such sensitive information. I was the idiot who did. If I could go back to three years ago when he asked me out, I would've given him an emphatic HELL NO GO TO HELL DEMON because after bawling my stupid eyes out for hours, I actually gave myself a SORE THROAT and a FEVER. Have you ever cried so much and so hard that you actually start burning up and now you feel sick? Before that moment, at my very lowest, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. When I called him to ask him what the hell was happening and how he could do that to me ESPECIALLY DURING A FUCKING PANDEMIC WHEN THE COUNTRY HAS GONE TO SHIT, he could barely string two sentences together to explain because HE WAS DRUNK. Or whatever. I couldn't be bothered to find out after that.
I spent an hour packing his stuff into trash bags and do you know what happened the next day? He came skipping back expecting to be let into the house. Well. After lying to my face about withdrawing any money, he was speechless when I showed him receipts.
Here's the thing: It is so damn hard for me to trust people and I trusted this guy. I really did. I never thought I would find what the characters in my books have, but I actually did with this guy. I thought I would get a happily ever after after everything we've been through, but nah. People always end up disappointing you. I'm sorry to be so pessimistic but that's the God's honest truth. If you've found your soulmate, please drop some advice on my head because THIS IS SO FUCKING PAINFUL AND SO NOT WORTH IT. I feel like relationships just take SO MUCH out of a person. They're so draining. Yes, I'm jaded, but I'm hurt. I have been through A LOT with this guy and he knows about my home situation and everything else going on in my life because he is (was) also my best friend. I am not even joking or exaggerating when I say that we finish each other's sentences and that he knows what I really mean when I say something. He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me and this is why this hurts so damn much. I have always had his back and been the only person he could talk to, so for him to hurt me like this... I am speechless. Broken. Jaded.
Why can't life be like books?
Hey, again. I have no idea why I am even writing this down or sharing this with you guys (because, let's face it, there are more important things going on in the world) but I haven't had a diary in over 10 years, so I guess this blog is sort of like a diary for me? Albeit a public one.
Anyway. How's everyone's mental health? A year ago, who would've guessed that 2020 would be filled with so much tragedy and fear? To be honest, self-isolating hasn't been so bad because I've been with my boyfriend, and that brings us to the point of this post.
I have been dating the same guy for 3 years now and we recently moved in together (as recent as the start of this year). Everything was going pretty fine, I'd say, until a few days ago when *drum roll* (wait, let me actually go find a drum-roll gif. brb)
He stole from me. Yup. Dude stole my bank card, went to an ATM and made several withdrawals. But what Dude didn't know was that I get notifications on my phone every time a withdrawal is made.
So there I am home alone because my boyfriend is at a friend's place. It's 1:30AM and I'm doing an assignment for uni. My phone dings to tell me that I just went to an ATM and took out some cash. I wipe my eyes repeatedly because, hmm, it's 1:30AM and I'm on my laptop, very much at home and in my room, therefore I did NOT just make a withdrawal. Not to mention the fact that there's a curfew in effect. So I do the next logical thing and check my purse, because there MUST be a glitch in the system (lol dumbass) and what do I find? NOT my card, that's for sure.
OBVIOUSLY, the only culprit who would do this (since he's the only other person I live with) and who has my PIN is, you guessed it, my boyfriend.
And here is where I make a PSA. Don't trust ANYONE with such sensitive information. I was the idiot who did. If I could go back to three years ago when he asked me out, I would've given him an emphatic HELL NO GO TO HELL DEMON because after bawling my stupid eyes out for hours, I actually gave myself a SORE THROAT and a FEVER. Have you ever cried so much and so hard that you actually start burning up and now you feel sick? Before that moment, at my very lowest, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. When I called him to ask him what the hell was happening and how he could do that to me ESPECIALLY DURING A FUCKING PANDEMIC WHEN THE COUNTRY HAS GONE TO SHIT, he could barely string two sentences together to explain because HE WAS DRUNK. Or whatever. I couldn't be bothered to find out after that.
I spent an hour packing his stuff into trash bags and do you know what happened the next day? He came skipping back expecting to be let into the house. Well. After lying to my face about withdrawing any money, he was speechless when I showed him receipts.
Here's the thing: It is so damn hard for me to trust people and I trusted this guy. I really did. I never thought I would find what the characters in my books have, but I actually did with this guy. I thought I would get a happily ever after after everything we've been through, but nah. People always end up disappointing you. I'm sorry to be so pessimistic but that's the God's honest truth. If you've found your soulmate, please drop some advice on my head because THIS IS SO FUCKING PAINFUL AND SO NOT WORTH IT. I feel like relationships just take SO MUCH out of a person. They're so draining. Yes, I'm jaded, but I'm hurt. I have been through A LOT with this guy and he knows about my home situation and everything else going on in my life because he is (was) also my best friend. I am not even joking or exaggerating when I say that we finish each other's sentences and that he knows what I really mean when I say something. He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me and this is why this hurts so damn much. I have always had his back and been the only person he could talk to, so for him to hurt me like this... I am speechless. Broken. Jaded.
Why can't life be like books?
Hey.. I hope you're good.. But I just wanted to tell you this.. That loving can hurt sometimes and if we all want love then at some point there is going to be suffering.. Because everything has its perks. Nothing is perfect darling 💞.. But trust me on this u'll get through this and u'll tell someone out there your story and they will look at you like a hero.. Because u'll help them with your story.. Saying to you I understand might be an understatement.. But trust me.. GOD can sometimes make the dark clouds stay to let His light shine through.. To you.. Hope I don't sound like some preacher over there.. But.. Always remember this.. Loving can hurt sometimes but it is the only thing we have. No matter how hard it gets. That is from Ed sheeran song photograph..
ReplyDeleteSmlfy....
Respect you your a strong woman💞
#all love for you
Shits also happened to me, but my case was he cheated on me while we've been together for freaking seven years. That shit hurts so much, and it's been three years after that but I'm still scared, trusting someone is so scary and painful. It's still fucking hurts and I don't want to do any of that shit again, I keep shutting myself out and here I am, reading your books over and over again because it is more satisfying than my real life relaionships. I trust no one, not even a single soul and here I am still alive (God bless me) and I don't know until when but one thing for sure I just cannot open my heart for anyone again.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a really painful and traumatic experience. I can't say I've been through it though but what I can say is that you handled it way better than I would have. I would probably have set his stuff on fire. I'm sorry you had to go through it but it's good that it happened now and not 7 years down the road. You'll be okay, maybe not right this very second but you will. Women are warriors. We gather our strength (even if you dont feel like you have any right now), pull ourselves together, stand tall and hold our head high. We always make it out stronger and you will too. It's gonna be okay sis. Your gonna be okay.
ReplyDeleteI believe you should call up the bank and get yourself a new card and pin if you haven’t done so already. Don’t allow him to know such sensitive information.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now too (I have not and won’t share my pin with him ever, it’s too personal and can do damage like you’ve mentioned) and I can relate with you about the relationship being draining (‘specially in lockdown). It does take a lot out of you but it also helps to communicate issues if possible and try to take time for yourself if it becomes quite stressful.
Be strong for yourself and don’t allow him or anyone to treat you, or think they can treat you like an idiot. 🙅♀️🙌